Interview Failure Analysis

Dating back to 2 weeks ago, from being hopeless for a bachelor degree to receiving an interview invitation letter, I have been so nervous and have been preparing for the interview ever since.

It's the first time I have ever prepared for an interview, not even when I interviewed for the associate degree, nor in the UE exam. I was almost fearless and everything were impromptu yet excellent and confident.

Today is the big day, and guess what? I was given a chance and I freaking blew it. I performed way worse than 2 years ago when I had the UE oral exam or the associate degree interview. Everything just went wrong and almost disastrous all of a sudden. I never thought that I could perform that bad. Indeed I've never been that inarticulate ever before.

To be honest, I can't bear with the failure cos' I've never failed in any interview of similar structure, and I have always been fluent and able to deliver exactly what I want to express. Basically I have no difficulty in English communication at all. 

But this time, I failed. I failed thoroughly. 

1. The biggest mistake is doing preparation. I should have realized that I can't memorize well, and if I try to, I usually would stumble upon words and get so nervous, which won't end up well.
2. Comparing myself with the other candidates is completely unnecessary. The more I tried to admire how great the others are doing, the more I forgot that I can actually do the same, and most of the times I can push myself to perform way better.
3. Confidence is the key. Whatever you're trying to convey, no matter how good or how vague the content is, the interviewer would be impressed if you're saying it from your heart with confidence, a smile and enthusiasm.
4. When it's over, move on. No matter how you did in the interview, nothing is reversible. As the proverb goes, "let bygones be bygones". Let it be and carry on with your life.

The 4th point is actually easier said than done. I can't move on except wallowing in self-pity. I really can't hate myself more. It's all my fault. Every decision I made has led to where I am today. I have no one else but myself to blame on. I'll never forgive myself. The interview means the world to me and yet I was dumb enough to let my nerves got the best of me. Everything I have been fighting for and all the efforts I've put forward seemed to have vanished within that 15 minutes. 

Are 15 minutes really enough to determine whether to admit a student or not?

What if I was given an individual interview instead? Would the situation be turned around?

What if I had not prepared and just walk in impromptu? What if I had calmed down to allow myself to have a clear mind for the discussion?

I definitely would perform better. But so what? There's no second chance. A missed opportunity is a missed opportunity. I'll just take it as a painful reminder on my journey to future success.