Can't Forgive Myself

When I can usually be an A grade student, why would I chose to slip up at the MOST important interview and got a somewhat C grade?

My performance in the interview wasn't graded, but it feels like I have gotten a C grade. The moment it was finished, I knew that they would kick me out.

For the first time, I have succeeded... in giving my worst performance and showing the worst side of me which I have neither seen before.

The worst thing is I know that even if I'm unprepared, I can do 500% better than that, and I could ensure that I got admitted. I am the right person. But they just didn't see it cos' I didn't allow that part of me to shine. Instead, I unleashed my negative, weak, coward part out to embarrass and hurt myself.

I can't forgive myself. I just can't. I had a golden opportunity and I blew it. I had a high proficiency of English and I didn't show it. I am confident and positive but I acted lame and negative. 

What could be worst?!

So much pressure... I let down so many people, including myself. I could have proved to them what I can do, but I just freaking let my nerves blew it.

It seems to be the start of self-punishment as if the loss has not been painful enough...