5 Easy Steps to be a Life Lover

• Be excited
  If the other people are being indifferent, you don't have to be like that too. Show your excitement, and they will be influenced.
  
  
• Be decisive and determined
  Know what you're doing and where you're heading to.
  
  
• Care about what is happening in your surroundings
  Have an opinion on issues.
  
  
• Wake up early
  Get a head start and be more relaxed for the rest of the day.
  
  
• Don't be afraid to fail
  To err is human. You tried, you failed, so what? At least you've tried. If you don't try, you never know.

Bruises All Over

                                                             (Source: http://favim.com/image/31981/)

Attempting to mount the stacks of furnitures at home like a cat, I miserably fell from a wooden chair, breaking it into two and butt first (not paws!)

Bruises on my leg, shoulder and back, plus a few cuts here and there. Good job... Well, guess I gotta admit that I'm not as flexible as our furry friends. Ouch... my leg still hurts :(

Can't Forgive Myself

When I can usually be an A grade student, why would I chose to slip up at the MOST important interview and got a somewhat C grade?

My performance in the interview wasn't graded, but it feels like I have gotten a C grade. The moment it was finished, I knew that they would kick me out.

For the first time, I have succeeded... in giving my worst performance and showing the worst side of me which I have neither seen before.

The worst thing is I know that even if I'm unprepared, I can do 500% better than that, and I could ensure that I got admitted. I am the right person. But they just didn't see it cos' I didn't allow that part of me to shine. Instead, I unleashed my negative, weak, coward part out to embarrass and hurt myself.

I can't forgive myself. I just can't. I had a golden opportunity and I blew it. I had a high proficiency of English and I didn't show it. I am confident and positive but I acted lame and negative. 

What could be worst?!

So much pressure... I let down so many people, including myself. I could have proved to them what I can do, but I just freaking let my nerves blew it.

It seems to be the start of self-punishment as if the loss has not been painful enough...

Interview Failure Analysis

Dating back to 2 weeks ago, from being hopeless for a bachelor degree to receiving an interview invitation letter, I have been so nervous and have been preparing for the interview ever since.

It's the first time I have ever prepared for an interview, not even when I interviewed for the associate degree, nor in the UE exam. I was almost fearless and everything were impromptu yet excellent and confident.

Today is the big day, and guess what? I was given a chance and I freaking blew it. I performed way worse than 2 years ago when I had the UE oral exam or the associate degree interview. Everything just went wrong and almost disastrous all of a sudden. I never thought that I could perform that bad. Indeed I've never been that inarticulate ever before.

To be honest, I can't bear with the failure cos' I've never failed in any interview of similar structure, and I have always been fluent and able to deliver exactly what I want to express. Basically I have no difficulty in English communication at all. 

But this time, I failed. I failed thoroughly. 

1. The biggest mistake is doing preparation. I should have realized that I can't memorize well, and if I try to, I usually would stumble upon words and get so nervous, which won't end up well.
2. Comparing myself with the other candidates is completely unnecessary. The more I tried to admire how great the others are doing, the more I forgot that I can actually do the same, and most of the times I can push myself to perform way better.
3. Confidence is the key. Whatever you're trying to convey, no matter how good or how vague the content is, the interviewer would be impressed if you're saying it from your heart with confidence, a smile and enthusiasm.
4. When it's over, move on. No matter how you did in the interview, nothing is reversible. As the proverb goes, "let bygones be bygones". Let it be and carry on with your life.

The 4th point is actually easier said than done. I can't move on except wallowing in self-pity. I really can't hate myself more. It's all my fault. Every decision I made has led to where I am today. I have no one else but myself to blame on. I'll never forgive myself. The interview means the world to me and yet I was dumb enough to let my nerves got the best of me. Everything I have been fighting for and all the efforts I've put forward seemed to have vanished within that 15 minutes. 

Are 15 minutes really enough to determine whether to admit a student or not?

What if I was given an individual interview instead? Would the situation be turned around?

What if I had not prepared and just walk in impromptu? What if I had calmed down to allow myself to have a clear mind for the discussion?

I definitely would perform better. But so what? There's no second chance. A missed opportunity is a missed opportunity. I'll just take it as a painful reminder on my journey to future success.